I'm hiding out in the big city blinking

My heart is in your palm, exposed and raw. Your heart tiptoes over pre-packaged, sieved by decorum and appropriateness. My heart is unconditional and blind. Your heart is tamed by reason. My heart is a fool. Your heart is sanitised. My heart craves more. Your heart wants less. My heart wants to run wild and intense. Your heart is governed by your head. My heart wants to be loved wholeheartedly (no pun intended). Your heart wants no part of it. My heart is to be had without question. Your heart needs to be earned. My heart is too easy. Your heart scorns me. My heart is too vulnerable. Your heart is protected by strength.

I try honesty. You hear white noise. I try to express my pain. You see another tantrum. I see desperation and hopelessness. You see endless opportunities ahead. I see the end. You see bouncing back. I see a chance to spend time together. You see a waste of time and energy. I voice neglect. You voice irritability. I rush into things. You express skepticism. I tell you i need you. You say you don't want it. I tell you i miss you. You say you don't feel a thing. I cry because it hurts. You tell me i'm too emotional. I ask for your help. You say it's not your problem. I ask for comfort. You give it to me but your eyes say different. I need physical comfort to sustain me. You're not that weak. I say you don't deserve me. You think im joking. I stop looking at myself in the mirror because i'm afraid to look. You pose in the lift.

It's morning, pre-dawn. It's New Year's. I ask if you still love me. You say you don't know. I ask if you meant it. You say you don't know. I ask you what this means. You say you don't know. I sit on the pavement and say I'm lost. You say that you know. I say, Happy Anniversary honey. You laugh humorouslessly and repeat the sentiment. I tell you what i've given up to be with you. You say, who asked you to? I work up my courage to be honest with you. You say you can't remember what we talked about. You say you didn't mean what you said about not loving me. I ask why you would even say such a thing. You say you don't know. I lie on your bed and cry. You fall asleep. I grab your hands and talk to you. You glance out the door at your computer.

I say we should maybe take a break. You say maybe we should. I didn't mean it. I think you did. I tell you i would miss you. You don't reply. I know i've been too vulnerable. You don't care do you.