"I just want a little passion to hold me in the dark"
Ever wonder why we sabotage things? The term, don't fix what ain't broken. Sometimes it doesn't apply. Sometimes just being static and fixed is not enough. People claw against injustice, bias, and rage. Yet, we don't fight back enough against the unspoken sins, the unknown, uncertain ones that keep us wondering. Someone called me a "sinker", one who purposely keeps her head underwater longer than she has to, drowning more than she has to. I think that's alarmingly accurate. I lie in bed longer than i should, I think about things that aren't necessarily there, and i push and push and still get no where. And then i dip my head in a little more.
I don't know if i'm becoming even more of a pessisimist than before, but everything's spinning out of control and if i couldn't stand it before, now it's only serving me more panic and desperation. It's not like i keep myself in misery on purpose- like i said, i keep trying to float, and you keep kicking my head back in.
Juli, if you're reading this. Your pillbox analogy is cruel. You assume status quo (and as Bryan says, assumptions are the mother of all fuckups). It assumes things remain static whenever you turn away and turn back. They never do. The world goes on and people go on. See, when you pick your pills and neglect the rest, they might just get tired and expire.
Hot Piece of the Day:
NUS's webcast system. Two days, 10 lectures to finish watching. 2 hours each.
my heart is like the ocean,
it gets in the way.
so close to touching freedom,
then i hear the guards call my name.
And my priest says, you ain't savin' no souls.
[ Tori Amos - Take to the Sky ]
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